This week, I refuse to write anything that strives for immediacy. Here are 10 things I’ve seen, heard, read, discussed or pondered in recent weeks.
I decided to look back at some old columns to see what my interests were a few years ago.
This week in 2008, the topic was DVD extras and “director’s cut” movies.
Near the end of March 2007, I tried to apply the coolness of Horatio Kane of “CSI:?Miami”?to real-life situations.
On March 25, 2006, it was prepaid phone cards.
None of those topics remotely interest me now.
It’s like looking at a photo of yourself wearing trendy clothes that seem ghastly in hindsight.
I never should have reviewed those old columns. It gave me writer’s block for this week’s installment. What if I?write about something that becomes hopelessly dated within three or four years??
Solution:?This week, I refuse to write anything that strives for immediacy. Here are 10 things I’ve seen, heard, read, discussed or pondered in recent weeks.
1. I read an article about foods that help induce sleep. I got about two paragraphs into the story, then nodded off.
2. A story on the Internet included this headline: “Do you really need $600 knives?” My answer was, “No, one $100 knife is plenty.”
3. Yesterday at work, I mentioned to a colleague at the water cooler that my bracket was busted. He suggested I go to a home-improvement store.
4. When somebody says, “Before I leave, remind me I have to (whatever it is they need to do),” how much time should elapse before you remind them??If they plan to split in two hours, do you wait until two minutes before their departure, just to keep it fresh in their mind??What if you don’t know when they’re leaving? Should you remind them more than once??Can you be held accountable if you forget??Is it fair to ask them to remind you to remind them?
5. One of my co-workers bought a pair of scissors. She couldn’t get the package open without using a pair of scissors. There has to be name for that sort of thing. But what??Recursive conundrum??Self-inflexive paradox??Rock-scissors-scissors??The answer eludes me.
6. It reminds me of similar, unasked questions that have gone unanswered. Unfortunately, I can’t remember any of them.
7. Hard to believe: Some stores already have Earth?Day candy on the shelves.
9. I wasn’t completely honest in No. 3. We don’t have a water cooler. But the rest is accurate, except for part about the home-improvement store.
10. If you read this column in 2013, it will seem no less relevant than it does today. Mission accomplished.
Contact Dennis Volkert at email@example.com.